Excuses, Excuses

While I realize I actually should be working on my never-ending marathon of homework, grading, and Ph.D. applications, I have learned to recognize when I've been beaten and need to go do something else so I can later concentrate on my work better. This is one of those times.

It amazes me how many people go through life with no ambition. Or those who have ambitions, but a list of reasons (or sometimes, even just one) why they can't accomplish it, so they move through life somewhat sadly, saying, "Well, I really wanted to do _____ but I can't because _____ so I'll just do ______ because it pays the bills,"  or some variation of that. I hear a lot of excuses that are somewhat akin to "I wanted to be a painter, but I can't because I have asthma."

I sincerely feel sorry for these people. I have come to believe such statements are actually code for, "I'm terrified of putting myself out there, and because I don't want to fail, I won't even try." All I can say is, what an incredible waste.

It amazes me that an otherwise physically perfect young man can have a toe amputated due to frostbite, and then say, "Well, I guess I can't train to be in the military now, so I'll just get a job that'll pay the bills." Or a really smart young woman can say, "Well, I really wanted to major in piano performance, but I crushed one of my fingers in an accident, and now I can't play, so I guess I'll go back to retail.

Some of you know I spent a number of years in an IFB (independent fundamentalist Baptist) church and a larger fundamentalist organization, where legalism and patriarchy ruled supreme. As such, I know a lot of people who came out of that background as well, or are still there. One of my friends told me a number of months ago about someone she knows who is a mid-twenties stay-at-home-daughter, and the only of her siblings still at home. This is a trend among some of the more strict followers of fundamentalist patriarchy. This girl spends her days reading at the beach, making herself new outfits, going out to visit friends, and generally doing anything that strikes her as 'fun.' I remember hearing that story and being absolutely taken aback by her attitude. The idea that God made her a woman, and therefore her purpose in life is to live at home until she gets married and becomes a quiverfull homeschool mom, is one thing. But to then take it so far as to justify a life of  spending days doing as she pleases, so long as her father approves is quite another.

I was once a stay-at-home daughter myself, with no younger siblings. I hated it, but I was 22 before I found a way out. Even so, I found ways to be productive. I did chores around the house, taught a few piano students a week (in the home, of course), was involved in church (and other) ministry, spent 4 hours a day practicing the piano, etc. I know many other SAH daughters who took online college courses and got degrees, spent one or two days a week helping out an overwhelmed homeschooling mom, or built home businesses. Anything to remain busy and productive. I can't imagine doing whatever I please all day simply because I can. I would despise myself.

I look at all of these people, and then I look at myself. I'm doing things I shouldn't be able to do. Most people who know me, know my health history and personal history, freely say they really couldn't blame me if I didn't function as I do. They couldn't blame me if I still lived at home, or just kind of subsisted, in "survival" mode. I've lost track of how many doctors have looked at my level of illness, pain, etc., and said, "How do you even get out of bed in the morning?" Or how many friends have said, "How are you even still functioning as an emotionally healthy person?" I'll also never forget the woman who did my LD (learning disability) testing and said, "I've been doing this testing for almost 30 years, and you are only the second person I have ever met with your level of disability who has made it past the age of 10 without a diagnosis." I was 21, and her point was that most people with my level of disability can't function the way I do. She also said very few make it through a B.A.

And yet even with all of the issues I have to deal with, I still have ambitions, and better yet, I'm still working towards them. I got my B.A. In May, I'll graduate with my M.A. In August (assuming all goes well), I'll start my Ph.D. Has any of this been easy? Have I gotten through all of this with even the normal level of difficulty? No. I wake up every morning in pain, and I go to bed every night in pain. The people around me have just learned to ignore when I show up on crutches, or in various braces. I still do my work. I taught one day this semester with a dislocated rib. I often just work through my pain, sometimes close to excruciating. Do I want to? No! I can't tell you how many days I get up and want to cry just thinking about everything I have to do, and doing it through all of my pain and mental fog. And you know what? I'm managing to do these things at a better-than-average level.

"But Kathleen, you're obviously just more intelligent than most." No, really, I'm not. My IQ is fairly average.
"But obviously, you've always wanted to be a history professor, and there's nothing else you'd rather do." Again, not really. Don't get me wrong. I love history, and I know I'm good at it. I absolutely love discovering new things and finding out all history has to offer, and helping other people understand the relevance of history to the present day. But music was my first love. If I hadn't hurt my hand in an accident, and it hadn't been permanently damaged, I would be working on a doctorate in music. My second choice was medical school. But I can't do the math required for it. History was my third choice. It is true that there is nothing else I can be doing that I would rather do. But it is not true that there is nothing else I'd rather be doing. I did not let one crushed dream snuff out my ambition. I found a new dream, and I absolutely love working towards it. I look forward to spending the next several decades in the field of history.

I have been given a brain, and opportunities to use it to its fullest capacity abound. I can't imagine letting my health, or my unfortunate personal history, or my learning disabilities, or my injuries keep me from finding something I love, can do, and am good at. I have friends who were full of life and ideas and ambition, and died before they could fulfill their dreams. My friend Greg, pursued the woman he loved in spite of having cancer. He and Melody didn't get to get married, but he didn't let his cancer get in the way of finding love. My friend Aaron has a similar story to mine when it comes to health, but he still worked his way through an M.A. while working full-time. He couldn't find a teaching job, but he never stopped trying to apply, and figure out his options. Even after he got cancer. He applied for a new teaching job just a couple of months before he died.

I could go on, but I'm not going to. I'll simply close with this: Don't let one hiccup, or dashed dream, or set of convictions keep you from being a productive human being, and making significant contributions to those around you. Find a way to work through all of that.

Find a passion and pursue it, and in the process, find a way to help your fellow man. Otherwise, really, what's the point?

Aaron

On the Facebook profile of one of my dear friends is a quote by an unknown wise person. It says, "Wish not to live long as to live well." The "quotes" section of her page is filled with similarly profound sayings. The irony of  this? She died in 2008, at the age of 20, after a very brief battle with an unusually cruel strain of Pneumonia. Her words were prophetic, and she followed the advice she had posted on her own page, having no reason to believe she wouldn't live to a ripe old age.

One of the greatest ironies of life is that death is an unavoidable part of it. We think that because someone is young, they have decades left to live, love, and experience the joys of being alive. But that's not always true. And sometimes, it's those we think are the least deserving of an early death- the ones who could do the most good in the world- who die young. 

I remember the first time I met Aaron. It was the second week of my first semester at SEMO, and we were both in Dr. Cameron's Readings in European History. For weeks, I thought of him as the quiet, baby-faced guy who had missed the first week of class because he'd gotten his days mixed up. I also noticed something about him right away: he had one of the most radiant smiles I'd ever seen. And those dimples? I remember thinking they must go all the way to China. 

The weekend before Easter, 2011, Aaron spent in the hospital because of what looked to be an infection in his groin. I still didn't know him well, but by that time I had seen him a number of times at Wal-Mart, sometimes running into him performing awkward tasks like restocking tampons and pads. We were Facebook friends by that time, so we spent a little time on FB chat while he was in the hospital. 

About a week after Easter, I started hanging out with Amber and Aaron. Amber was also in our class, and was Aaron's best friend. We'd make late-night runs to the Huddle House after class, or meet for dinner and then watch a movie. I grew to love both Amber and Aaron very quickly. Aaron loved to tease me (of course, he loved to tease everyone- the more he teased, the more he liked the person!), and we soon wound up in frequent verbal sparring matches, which usually left both of us laughing. Not soon after we started hanging out, Aaron had earned a special nickname from me: Jackass. He would absolutely beam with pride every  time I said that, and usually follow it with a cheeky, "Thank you!" 

Amber and Cayla and I would do our best to make Aaron blush (not terribly hard to do with a good Pentecostal boy!), and he'd do his best to get me as riled up as possible. Before long, I was deeply impressed by his kind heart, and genuine care for other people. We had fun comparing Gospel pianists, and Christian (as well as non-Christian) comedians, and sometimes would shake our heads together at the bad theology we would occasionally encounter in other people's conversations or preaching. 

By the time he was told that "infection" on his groin was actually cancer, we had only been hanging out for about a month, but I had already grown so close to Amber and Aaron that I felt like someone had punched me in the stomach. I still remember where I was sitting in Amber's apartment when Aaron sent her the text that he indeed had cancer. The next several months were filled with research about Ewing Sarcoma, encouraging Aaron through his first rounds of chemo, shaving his head, etc. 

My friendship with Aaron continued to grow over the next year. He'd come stop by my office in the history department, and I loved seeing him appear at the door and hearing his, "What's uuup?" I looked forward to seeing him at Wal-Mart, where he would always spot me, chuckle, shake his head, and then say, "What are you DOING here?" Then he'd tease me about needing more ibuprofen, Icy Hot, or even groceries. Sometimes his co-workers would be around for an insult, and then tell me I was free to hit him as hard as I wanted. He had it coming. 

The last week of classes this past Spring semester, Aaron, Amber, and I, along with some others met for dinner at McAlister's, as we often did. I remember walking out the door and saying to Aaron, "If I don't see you before then, I'll see you in August." He smiled and said, "Okay, have a good summer!" And we both went our separate ways. Not two weeks later, Aaron totaled his car in an accident caused by brain tumors from the cancer. 

It wasn't long before I realized it was the beginning of the end for him. I was in Cincinnati for the summer, and made the 7 hour drive back to Cape to say my goodbyes to him. It was heartbreaking, but I'll never regret going. And I'll never forget his goodbye to me. As I left his house, he reached for my hand from the recliner where he'd been sleeping on and off, squeezed it, looked me straight in the eye, and said, "It was really good to see you. Thanks for coming." It was the first time he'd said anything nice to me without a hint of sarcasm. And I knew he meant it, and I knew my friendship mattered to him. 

I went back to Cincinnati, and kept up with everything via Facebook. It broke my heart to watch him slipping away. When my friends told me they were sorry I was losing a friend like Aaron, I found myself saying, "Thanks. Death is a part of life." And so it is. For all of us. We're all dying. Some just faster than others. 

Finally, when his mother posted that he had taken his final breath the evening of Tuesday, July 10th, I cried. My whole body shook, feeling that a part of me had been torn open. We'd only been friends for a little over a year, but, as with my friendship with Amber, our relationship grew in a way that in a matter of weeks, it seemed like we'd always been friends. 

I also mourned the fact that he missed turning 29 by 3 days, and the fact that my own 29th birthday was a mere 3 weeks away. How could I celebrate turning 29 when Aaron so narrowly missed it himself, and only weeks before? Of course, I realize that I can honor Aaron by embracing each birthday I celebrate that he didn't get to. He'd tell me to make the most of the time I've been given, because life is a gift, and it can end at any time.

So, dear Aaron, two years ago, I had no idea who you were. But in the short time we knew each other, you made a bigger impact on my life than you will ever know. You have left me with so many memories: 

Huddle House. 

McAllister's. 

The times you'd turn as red as that red polo you sometimes wore, because we managed to embarrass you. 

That time you and Amber came for dinner, and you sat down and played "Amazing Grace" on my piano. 

The way you smiled when I called you a jackass. 

Outback. 

Starbursts. 

That time you looked me in the eye and said, "You're no moderate. You're a conservative in denial." 

The night the three of us were in the library and we found out about Osama bin Laden's death- I'll never forget the look on your face. 

Our three-hour round trip to Amber's wedding, and how when you dropped me off at home, you said, "This was fun, I'm glad we did it." Then when you saw the smirk on my face, you added, "And if you tell ANYONE I said that, I will KILL you."

Singing in the car on the way to and from the wedding.

Billy Joel's "She's Got a Way About Her."

"Unchained Melody."

Lex Luthor.

Wal-Mart.

Blazing Saddles.

The Supremes.

Polos and khakis.

Your views on square toed shoes.

The night you came to Dr. Nickell's class, sat between Amber and me, and alternately wrote us notes on your yellow note pad.

That awful night at Denny's the night before you had your biopsy, which turned your world upside down.

You will always hold a special place in my heart. I will never forget you, the heart you had for high school kids, your sister, and God. Your smile will forever be etched in my mind. I will always remember the grace  with which you faced your illness, and eventual death at such a young age. I will forever be grateful for the time God allowed me to spend with you. You have embodied the quote with which I opened this eulogy: Wish not to live long as to live well. 

Aaron, I have had the lyrics to a song running through my head for the last week. I can't help but think about you, because they apply to you so well:
When my life on earth is o'er

And I stand on Heaven's shore,

And I'm called into the presence of the Savior I adore,

When at first I see His holiness I'll fall upon my face,

But when my Savior calls my name, I'll rise to hear Him say,

"Welcome home, my child, welcome home.

Great has been your service, now great is your reward.

Welcome home, my child, welcome home.

Come into the joy of your Lord.

No more death, no more pain, no more tears can remain,

Faithful servant, my dear child, welcome home."

Let us serve Him faithfully until like Him we shall be.

Let us run the race with patience 'til His glory we shall see.

For the memories of this present life will quickly fade away,

And we'll forget all of life's suffering when we hear Jesus say:

"Welcome home, my child, welcome home.

Great has been your service, now great is your reward.

Welcome home, my child, welcome home.

Come into the joy of your Lord.

No more death, no more pain, no more tears can remain,

Faithful servant, my dear child, welcome home."

(Copyright John D. Cornish, 2000. Used by permission)

This is how I picture your entrance to Heaven. You have fought the good fight, you have kept the faith, you have finished the race. Well done, friend. Well done.

Don't Judge Me!

While it's incredibly late (early?) and I should be sleeping, I just came across and commented on a quote on Facebook, and decided to make it a blog post. I think it's very important and relevant to us, especially those of us who are Christians, today.

So. What was this quote? Here it is, in response to the statement, "Don't judge me!": First, let's get something straight...whatever opinion I may have about the morality of any action you do or thought you have is more or less irrelevant until I've earned the right for you to care. So stop telling me not to judge you, because what it tells me is that you have already judged yourself, didn't like what you found, and are now wanting everyone else to join you in your game of denial and rationalization. If you want to play games like that, fine, but don't demand I join you.

I looked at that, and had an immediate and very strong reaction. The first sentence, while I don't agree with it (well, in theory, it's great, but in practice, not so much), it wasn't so bad. It was that second part I reacted to so strongly. I don't know who wrote this, but I have to wonder if: A. the creator grew up in a bubble in which they were never unjustly judged for something that was either genuinely the right decision, or not at all their fault; or, B. I've lived in some unusual dystopia in which I and those I know have been repeatedly judged unfairly.

"So, Kathleen, what's your response?" Oh, I'm so glad you asked!

As human beings, we're hard-wired to care what other people think, whether for the better, or for the worse. There are many things people choose to do which they KNOW are right, but for which they are harshly judged anyway. Some examples with which I am familiar:
1.A young couple gives up a very financially rewarding career to scrimp by in a very UNfinancially rewarding life in ministry, and people keep telling them they're foolish and will regret it.
2.Another couple chooses not to abort a child they know will be born with spina bifida or Down Syndrome, and people tell them they're being cruel.
3.A man is the only person in his group of male co-workers who doesn't have lunch every Wednesday at the local strip club, and people keep telling him he needs to stop being afraid of his wife.
4.A couple takes their kids out of the public school system to homeschool their kids, even though they can't begin to afford it, because they're convinced it's what is best for THEIR kids, and people tell them they're being unwise and putting their children's financial security in jeopardy.
5.A 16 year old girl is raped, through no fault of her own, and becomes pregnant, yet refuses to abort the baby, and people condemn her for being a teen mother, or even for not aborting a child of rape.
6.And one very familiar to me, a teenager or young adult, looking to be the absolute picture of health, but in reality is very often in severe pain, always exhausted and feeling very sick, is judged for going home yet again with another unexplained headache, stomach upset, or backache, or has to take the elevator up a single flight of stairs because her knees can't handle steps, or yet again shows up with a splint on her wrist because somehow, while she was sleeping, she managed to sprain her wrist. Again. And people very harshly tell her she's a hyperchondriac, or has Munchausen's, or is just a wimp, or attention-seeker, or she should just "power through the pain."

All of these things are either the right thing to do, or unfortunate and unavoidable, and yet things for which people are judged very harshly, by many people whom they may or may not know. The first few times, it is often easy to dismiss, or even be amused, when some stranger judges harshly for something that is either clearly right to the person doing it, or unavoidable (such as health). At some point, whether or not they know the people doing the judging, it simply gets too much to deal with, and it's all a person can do to not scream, "DON'T JUDGE ME!" when something happens.

Some people would argue that you earned the right to care about something- and to express that "care"- the moment you became human. As human beings, whether for the better or for the worse, the vast majority of us, as I said earlier, are hard-wired to care what their fellow humans think, whether they know each other or not. It's part of being human. To expect someone to be able to simply switch that off is to expect them to be able to easily disconnect that part of their humanity.

I know that this quote is aimed towards those who say not to judge certain behaviors the Bible clearly condemns as being wrong. However, the argument is deeply flawed. It only works if it applies across the board. As I have experienced and witnessed, it does not. I could give a dozen other examples of times when people are clearly not in the wrong, but often very harshly judged by strangers. Somewhere around the 15th time (at least, it seemed like it) I was harshly reprimanded for taking the last seat while waiting for a table at a restaurant, and letting my 71 year old father stand for 20+ minutes, I just decided it would be easier to wait in the car. Because whether I know the person or not, yes, it is hard to deal with the ugliness that comes from other people's meddlesome judgment. Even though *I* know the truth, that's somehow not helpful when being assaulted in the same way over and over.

All that to say, sin or not, the person screaming "don't judge" may be (rightly or not, it really doesn't matter for this argument) convinced that what they are doing is not wrong, and is merely being a normal, emotionally healthy human being who is reacting to constant judgment. And most importantly- The Bible tells us not to judge. By saying what the above quote says, we are violating that very command by judging the other person's reaction to the prevalent judgment of others. When someone says "don't judge," we as Christians should set ourselves apart from others by smiling and saying, "I don't judge you. I am here to bring grace, truth, and love, with no judgment." If more of us did that, maybe more people would be receptive to what we have to say. We are to speak the truth in LOVE, and bring GRACE along with truth. Otherwise, the truth gets lost and does absolutely no good.

I daresay most- if not all- of us have been judged for something over which we had no control, or we absolutely knew to be right. Except for those few people who are gifted to genuinely not care what other people think, it never feels good to be judged. No one ever knows the whole story, and never will everyone agree that what we are doing is right, or what we are suffering is real. Maybe we know what we're doing is wrong, and are working to overcome it. Maybe we know our behavior is destructive, but has been brought on by deep wounding that we don't know how to deal with. Maybe we know that doesn't make it right. But one person's sin or poor decision does not give any of us the right to judge.

"But Kathleen, the quote wasn't about ME judging THEM, it was about THEM not WANTING me to judge them, and what it says about them and their obviously guilty consciences!" Oh, I beg to differ. Again, that quote is inherently judgmental. It makes a judgment about the conclusions of the person demanding not to be judged. There's really no way to get around that.

So why am I posting this at 5:30 in the morning? Well, we had a bad storm, and our power was out, so I went to sleep in the basement, because it was so freaking hot in my room. When the power came back on, so did the lights, and the printers (which made a horrid sound while rebooting), which then woke me up. I went upstairs to my bed, but it was too hot to sleep, so I checked Facebook while waiting for my window AC unit to cool off my room. That's when I came across this quote. I thought it was important to address, and knew if I put it off till a reasonable hour, it'd never get done. But why am I explaining this all to you? After all, you're not going to judge me, right? ;-)

In Reflection: The Hunger Games

It has only been since Spring Break that I have read The Hunger Games Trilogy, and through it been introduced to an entirely new world. A world that makes me infinitely grateful for the one in which I live. This trilogy, and its first movie, have been the center of a controversy within the Evangelical community. While there has been far less argument about The Hunger Games Trilogy than the Twilight or Harry Potter series, there has nonetheless been a bit of discussion and debate over the merits of these stories. Since reading the books, I have certainly had a strong opinion on the virtues of this series, but after seeing the movie tonight, I feel I have to give my opinion.

While most of those I have heard object to The Hunger Games tend to be on the very conservative to even fundamentalist end of the Evangelical spectrum, because I have spent significant time in the fundamentalist world myself, I want to address some of the objections. One of the less significant accusations referred to Katniss as a "potty-mouthed" heroine, and I watched the movie expecting Jennifer Lawrence to be spewing profanities left and right. After watching the whole thing, I can only conclude this accusation was an attempt to find something else wrong with the movie, since the basis for censure was already so precarious. I counted three times in the entire movie that Katniss used anything approaching foul language, and both of the words she used would be considered by much of society today to not even be "foul" any longer. A person only has to spend a day out and about to hear much worse language used far more frequently.

There was also an accusation referring to Cinna as a homosexual. First of all, homosexuals exist, live and work among us. Regardless of your personal convictions about the validity of such a lifestyle, I don't really see how it would matter if Cinna had been portrayed as a homosexual. Which he wasn't. Cinna, Katniss's stylist for the Hunger Games (the event, not the book), is one of the trilogy's heroes. A shining example of conviction and moral courage. He worked from within the establishment to do what he knew was right. Played by Lenny Kravitz (who did a stellar job, by the way), Cinna was in no way portrayed as a homosexual. There was absolutely nothing more to suggest this than the fact that he was a stylist. Oh, and he had a few earrings and wore gold eyeliner. What I want to know is if this reviewer took any time to look at the other men shown walking around the Capitol. Some of them had flowers in their hair, much heavier makeup, walked in sparkly platform shoes, and wore lace and ruffles, all the while escorting a lady around on their arm. Using this as a means by which to disparage the movie is nothing more than grasping at straws. And quite desperately, I might add.

There was also the accusation that the story lacked any real redemption. To that I say, no kidding, genius. It's part of a TRILOGY! If the redemption came at the end of the first book, it'd be a lone novel! Follow it through to the end, and yes, you will see redemption. In addition was a criticism of the "gratuitous violence." Well, in order for violence to be "gratuitous," there has to be more violence than required to make whatever point the movie/book is trying to make. I was actually surprised at how little violence they managed to show in a movie that's about a futuristic gladiatorial kind of battle. It was also not glorified, another element in "gratuitous" violence.

The main criticism of this reviewer I really think is a moot point: the movie does not show the Christian remnant promised by the Bible. He also displays his rather abysmal grasp of history when he says that even amidst the Nazi and Communist mass killings, there was "at least one" nation that held Judeo-Christian morals still. If he's referring to America, he has to also include several other Western countries, and honestly, given what many Americans were doing to African-Americans in the name of Christianity during those same decades, and the government did nothing to stop, I would even question the sincerity of that. But I digress. Surely the author of this review does not expect blockbuster movies to reflect Biblical promises of a remnant. Not only that, but he did say one nation remained during the 1930s and 40s. He didn't even mention the individual Christians within Germany and Soviet Russia. As The Hunger Games takes place in ONE country, Panem, his argument doesn't even work. This review can be read here.

Here is my only criticism of the entire series: I do believe the series is wholly inappropriate for its target audience. I might allow a mature 14 or 15 year old to read the trilogy, but in general, I think the subject matter is too mature for anyone under 16. For older teens and adults, however, I think the story is very important. I didn't even fully grasp how important until I saw it up there on the screen. People living in abject poverty, not allowed to have some of what we would consider to be even the most minute of freedoms, whose sole responsibilities in life center around providing a life of ease and nauseating (downright immoral, even) excess in the Capitol. The message from the Capitol to the Districts is quite clear: You exist to serve us. That is all. Our children are raised in comfort and sheltered from harm. Twenty-three of your children will die every year as a reminder to you of who is in charge. Not only will they die, but they will be forced to kill each other while we sit at home and watch, cheering, on television, as your kids figure out new ways to kill each other. To see the Capitol crowd cheering as the tributes were interviewed and presented to them, all dressed in the finest possible attire, and treated as though they were about to compete in a beauty pageant, when in reality, 23 of them were expected to be dead in a matter of days was absolutely revolting. To see their ridiculous excesses, while seeing the way those in District 12 struggled just to survive was sickening. And it's not even the same kind of thing where today, we have people in America living lives of excess, while children starve to death in Sub-Saharan Africa. No, the people of District 12 struggle BECAUSE of the excesses of those in the Capitol. And most of those in the Capitol have been raised to believe this is all a part of the natural order of things.

I won't give away any spoilers, but I think Suzanne Collins deserves a lot of credit for her stories. This kind of thing COULD happen. It's not at all unlike a mega-scale re-creation of American slavery, only worse. It's not going to happen in my lifetime, but in two hundred years? Sure. Entirely plausible. We must always keep in mind that we are put here on this earth to serve OTHER people. Not ourselves. There is no "elite," inherently better and more worthy than the rest. We are ALL human beings, and life is sacred. In a sense, this kind of thing HAS happened. The country wasn't called "Panem," it was the Roman Empire (interestingly enough, the name "Panem" comes from a motto from Ancient Rome- no doubt Collins was consciously making this connection). This is simply a futuristic, high-tech version of Rome.

I could go so many other places with this, but it's late, and I have far too much else to do. I do want to say this: to those of you who criticize The Hunger Games but haven't read them, READ THEM. I understand your objections to Twilight and Harry Potter. This trilogy is far less cut-and-dried than those. It does not deal with the undead. It does not deal with witchcraft. It deals with a world that very much could come to pass.Its message is vital to remember and to understand. If, by the time you get all the way through, you still have objections, fine. You are certainly entitled to your opinion. But if you haven't read the books, please stop criticizing until you do. These books cannot be criticized on premise alone, like the others I mentioned can (note-I'm not saying I have a problem with the others, just that it's much more valid to make a judgement based on their themes without having read them). Yes, I'll say it again, I do believe the books are inappropriate for their target audience. But that in no way takes away from their value.

To those of you who haven't read or seen The Hunger Games, read. See. They just might change your entire worldview. They changed mine. And I don't believe my worldview was changed in a non-Biblical way. In fact, I believe my new worldview is much more in keeping with a Biblical worldview than my old one.

Ridiculous Laws: Part One

Today I was chatting with my friend, Amber, and we got to talking about some of the rather ludicrous laws we have on our books. It's amazing to me that anyone would feel the need to outlaw things like whale hunting in Montana. I decided to take some time and look up some of these laws, and as I was reading, I deigned this topic worthy of a blog post. I shall list them by state, including my comments when I have something I simply must say.

Alabama:
1. It is illegal to sell peanuts in Lee County after sundown on Wednesday.
2. It is illegal to wear a fake mustache if it causes laughter in church.
Um...and that's necessary to legislate WHY?
3.You may not have an ice cream cone in your back pocket at any time.
Right. Because everyone wants to do it and it's SUCH a hazard...
4. In Anniston, Alabama, it is illegal to wear blue jeans down Noble Street.
Here's my question: is it okay to wear other colored jeans on Noble Street? And what if someone really needs to be on Noble Street, but all they have is blue jeans?

And my absolute FAVORITE for the state of Alabama...
5. Men who "deflower" virgins, regardless of age or marital status, may face up to 5 years in prison, in Mobile, Alabama.
So, um, were people really just not thinking here, or did the City Council REALLY want to make Mobile into a ghost town, because that's what following that law would cause. I could say more, but in the interest of keeping things PG, I won't.

Alaska:
1. It is illegal to view moose from airplanes.
2. It is illegal to wake a sleeping bear for the sake of taking a picture.
I mean, I realize that's not a good idea, but I can't help but wonder why the state legislators felt a need to outlaw it...
3. It is illegal to push a moose out of a moving airplane.
4. In Fairbanks, it is illegal to give alcohol to a moose.
And they outlawed it because everyone wants to make a moose drunk. I mean, I know I always have wanted to do exactly that...
5. In Haines, Alaska, a concealed carry license is necessary to carry a slingshot.
6. In Juneau, it is illegal for owners of pet flamingos to allow them into a barber shop.
Rats. I know how many people have pet flamingos in ALASKA!

Arizona:
1. It is illegal to hunt camels.
Because camels are not indigenous to Arizona, one can only hope that law is somehow tied to the American Camel Corps days of the 19th century...
2. Wearing a red mask while committing a misdemeanor will make it an automatic felony.
3. It is illegal for a donkey to sleep in a bathtub.
4. It is illegal to manufacture imitation cocaine.
Because we don't want to rip off all the people who are breaking the law by buying and using an illegal drug to begin with...
5. It is illegal to defend one's self against an attacker using any weapon other than what the attacker is using.
Because we want everything to be fair for a criminal attacker...
6. In Globe, Arizona, it is illegal to play cards in the street with a Native American.
7. In Marcopia County, no more than six girls may live in any one house.
Is there an age range for this, or by "girls" do they really mean "females?" And what about families who have more than 6 daughters? My dad had 9 sisters. Lucky for them they didn't live in Marcopia County, Arizona!
8. In Tombstone, it is illegal for anyone over the age of 18 to have more than one tooth visibly missing when smiling.
I hope the city is prepared to pay the dental expenses incurred upon people by this law...
9. In Mesa, it is illegal to smoke within 15 feet of any building, unless the smoker possesses a class two liquor license.
And how does owning a *liquor* license make this okay?

Arkansas:
1. It is illegal for the Arkansas River to rise any higher than the Main Street bridge in Little Rock.
First off, it if it gets that high, there's already quite a problem going on, and second, how do these people plan on prosecuting the Arkansas River if this law is broken?
2. If a school teacher bobs her hair, she won't get a raise.
3. A man can legally beat his wife, but no more than once a month.
And they think a man base enough to beat his wife is going to pay attention to that law?
4. In Fayetteville, it is illegal to kill any living creature.
I'm sorry, I don't care if killing wasps is illegal. They come into my space, and they're going to be killed. This also poses a problem for those who use antibiotics...
5. In Little Rock, it is illegal for dogs to bark after 6 pm.
6. In Little Rock, it is illegal to walk one's cow down Main Street after 1 pm on Sundays.
7. In Little Rock, any flirtation which occurs on the streets between a man and a woman may result in 30 days in jail.

California:
1. It is illegal for any vehicle without a driver to exceed 60 mph.
Right. Because unmanned moving vehicles are going to pay attention to this and are perfectly safe below 60 mph.
2. In Baldwin Park, California, it is illegal to ride a bike in a swimming pool.
3. In Blythe, no one owning fewer than two cows may wear cowboy boots.
4. In Carmel, men may not step outside wearing jackets and pants which do not match.
Not such a horrid idea, but who is to determine what matches?
5. In Chico, detonating a nuclear device within the city limits will result in a $500 fine.
And they think after the detonation of said device, anyone is going to be around to collect the fine?
6. In Eureka, it is illegal for a man with a mustache to kiss a woman.
7. In Fresno, it is illegal to hold a poker tournament at an elementary school.
8. In Hollywood, it is illegal to drive more than 2,000 sheep down Hollywood Boulevard at a time.
But 1,999 is totally kosher...
9. In Indian Wells, it is illegal to drink intoxicating cement.
I don't even know how to respond to this one...
10. In L.A., it is illegal for a man to beat his wife with a strap wider than 2 inches without her consent.
Were the lawmakers completely stoned when they came up with this one?

There are more, but I have a 10 law per state rule, so moving on...

Colorado:
1. It is illegal to mutilate rocks in state parks.
2. In Alamosa, it is illegal to throw missiles at cars.
But pedestrians and bikers, as well as houses, are perfectly okay.
3. In Denver, it is illegal to loan your vacuum cleaner to your next-door neighbor.
Yes, because that's SUCH a public nuisance...
4. In Denver, driving black cars on Sunday is illegal.
5. In Vail, it is illegal to crash into obstacles on ski slopes.
Because everyone who does that planned to do it...

Connecticut:
1. It is illegal to call a pickle a pickle unless it bounces.
2. In Devon, it is illegal to walk backwards after sunset.
3. In Hartford, educating dogs is illegal.
4. In Hartford, a man may not kiss his wife on Sundays.
But kissing anyone else is okay?

Delaware:
1. In Rehoboth Beach, it is illegal to whisper in church.
2. In Rehoboth Beach, it is illegal to pretend to sleep on a bench on the boardwalk.
So just make sure you're actually sleeping...

Florida:
1. It is illegal for married women to parachute on Sundays.
2. It is illegal for men to be seen in public in any kind of strapless gown.
But put straps on, and it's all peachy.
3. Showering naked is illegal.
I'm trying to figure this one out...
4. It is illegal to fart in public after 6 pm.

NOTE: There were several awesomely stupid laws in Florida that I couldn't post because of their inappropriate nature. None of the other states so far have anything like the ones of Florida that I can't post!

Georgia:
1. Donkeys may not be kept in bathtubs.
2. It is illegal to carry an ice cream cone in one's back pocket.
What is it about donkeys in bathtubs and ice cream cones in back pockets which makes multiple states outlaw them?
3. In Atlanta, tying a giraffe to a telephone pole or lamp post is illegal.
4. In Columbus, it is illegal to cuss on the phone.
5. Exclaiming, "Oh boy" in Jonesboro is illegal.

Hawaii:
1. A resident not owning a boat may be fined.
2. It is illegal to place coins in one's ears.

Idaho:
1. It is illegal to fish from a camel's back.
I have to wonder, was this ever even a problem?
2. In Boise, it is illegal to fish from the back of a giraffe.
3. In Pocatello, it is illegal for a person to be seen in public without a smile on his or her face.

Illinois:
1. Anyone not carrying at least one dollar on his or her person may be arrested for vagrancy.
2. A person driving a car must alert the police before entering any city's limits in said car.
3. In Chicago, just as in Idaho, it is illegal to fish from a giraffe's back.
4. In the Pullman area of Chicago, it is illegal to drink beer from a bucket while sitting on the curb.
I really want to know the reason for that one!
5. In Kirkland, it is illegal for bees to fly over the city, or through any of its streets.
And the penalty for that is...?

Indiana:
1. In Indiana, the value of Pi, according to state law is 3.
Except it's really not...
2. It is perfectly legal to avoid paying medical expenses for a minor by praying for said minor.
3. It is illegal to catch a fish with one's bare hands.
4. In Elkhart, it is illegal for any barber to cut off a child's ear.
But cutting off the ear of an adult is acceptable?
5. In Evansville, it is illegal to drive with one's lights on while driving down Main Street.
Good to know, since I'm in Evansville several times a year...

Iowa:
1. One-armed pianists must perform for free.
Um, I've played some one-handed piano pieces, and lemme tell you, some of those things are way harder and way more impressive than the two-handed pieces...
2. Kisses may last for no longer than 5 minutes.
3. All boxes used to pick hops must be exactly 36 inches long.
Any regulations on the width and depth of these boxes?
4. In Marshalltown, it is illegal for horses to eat fire hydrants.
Actually, I'd be more inclined to offer a reward to anyone who owned a horse who *could* eat a fire hydrant...

Kansas:
1. It is illegal to shoot rabbits from motorboats.
2. If two trains meet on the same track, neither is allowed to proceed until the other has passed.
Um, I don't know a lot about railroads, but I'm pretty sure that means those trains will be stuck there...forever...
3. In Lawrence, it is illegal for anyone to wear a bee in his or her hat.
4. In Topeka, it is illegal to sing the alphabet song on the streets in public.

Kentucky:
1. It is illegal to fish with a bow and arrow.
2. Women in Owensboro must obtain their husbands' permission before buying hats.

Louisiana:
1. Stealing an alligator could result in 10 years in prison.
2. Severe burns on humans must be reported to the fire marshal.
3. In New Orleans, it is illegal to chase fish through public parks.
4. In New Orleans, practicing voodoo within the city limits is illegal.
Well, um, obviously THAT one isn't enforced well...

Maine:
1. It is mandated by law that shotguns be taken with a person to church, in case of an attack by Native Americans.
Racism, anyone?
2. It is illegal to step out of a plane in flight.
I'm really having trouble believing that this was ever really a problem...
3. In Wells, it is illegal to advertise in cemeteries.
Apparently, there are actually over-achieving business men out there...

Maryland:
1. It is illegal to grow thistles in one's yard.
2. In Baltimore, it is illegal to take a lion to the movies.

Massachusetts:
1. It is illegal to eat more than three sandwiches at a wake.
2. It is illegal to go to bed without having had a full bath beforehand.
3. Gorillas are prohibited in the back seats of cars.
4. In Boston, it is illegal to play the fiddle.
5. In Boston, it is permissible for two people to duel to the death on Sundays on the Common, provided the Governor is in attendance.
6. In Marlborough, it is illegal to buy, sell, or otherwise possess a squirt gun.

Michigan:
1. It is illegal for a woman to cut her hair without her husband's permission.
2. In Detroit, it is illegal for a man to scowl at his wife on Sunday.
3. In Harper Woods, it is illegal to paint sparrows and sell them as parakeets.
4. In Wayland, anyone can keep his or her cow on the streets of downtown for 3 cents per day.


To be continued...